I have a dream...

I had a dream...
No, it wasn't a worthy social justice dream that would benefit everyone, although on some days I do dream that mold illness will be recognized, treatable, and covered by both homeowner's and medical insurance which would certainly be a social justice issue.

But no, my dream is more selfish, localized, and only for me. I dreamed that I could find a way to recover some quality of life in this illness. I know the way it could happen, it used to be my healing dream before I realized that healing was not something that was possible for us. Now it's just my "find a place that is clear enough that I can feel okay enough to live like a semi-normal person who is happy sometimes and free of pain sometimes" dream.

I have found a couple of locations that feel clear and clean enough that I feel almost normal in them. I dream of buying land in these locations where I can build an unconventional house that I could feel almost normal in, and then live pain-free enough long enough to maybe start to heal. (See, I just keep hoping...stupid me). Okay, not to heal but to just feel what it's like to not have searing, burning, mind-numbing eye pain for long enough to remember what it's like to feel like a person.

It would be an unconventional life, but a potentially happy one. I have found a 40 acre plot that looks perfect in one location, and a 70 acre plot in the other one. This large of land would be necessary to be far away enough from other people's mold, drier sheet smells, car exhaust, wifi, EMF, etc., the list is too long...it goes on and on. But this level of remote and pristine is what is required for environmental control since I have become so sensitive to the tiniest amounts of everything.

Then I build two small, inexpensive metal sheds/garages. One is the wet house and the other is the dry house. They are connected by a walkway, possibly screened in for weather and animal protection in winter. The dry house is the safe place with no wifi, no water for mold intrusion, lots of windows for ventilation (but adequately protected and sealed for no leaks). This safe place is for sleeping and relaxing, a hopefully mold-free and mold-proof place where I could feel normal to sleep and (sort of?) heal. <slaps self, STOP it!> The wet house will have all the plumbing, in nice visible pipes so leaks can be seen immediately and stopped, prevented, mitigated, etc., This is where cooking, bathroom, laundry, all living things that require water would take place. It would be very simple and built by me to my careful and controlled specifications for mold prevention and microbial and chemical control because modern housing has failed me. What a dream!

However, I cannot achieve this dream. It would cost around $100K for the land and about $20K for the metal sheds, plus another $20-30K for the cement pad for them to go on plus water and electric setup and other incidentals to make them a livable space. So $150K give or take. Still far less than a conventional home that would be unlivable for me, but far more than I have on hand and definitely more than anyone would loan for such a cockamamie scheme. So it is the unreachable dream. And yet it would save my life, as surely as any cancer treatment saves a cancer patient's life.